


I have just causes- Alternate version

by Aragorn_II_Elessar



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Bieber's music is a cause of death, Gen, Not for WestAllen fans, Wade Wilson is awesome, hilarious death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-05
Updated: 2019-02-05
Packaged: 2019-10-22 22:49:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17671592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aragorn_II_Elessar/pseuds/Aragorn_II_Elessar
Summary: Alternate version of "I have just causes" and this time, the villains die even more hilariously.





	I have just causes- Alternate version

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Deadpool, Flash or anything else you may recognize. And this is meant in no way to offend anyone.
> 
> This is an alternate version of "I have just causes." The part with Wade stays the same but how the Earth-X villains are defeated is changed and this time, it's even more hilarious. It is based on something I read and I will tell in the end what it was.

"Does anyone have just cause why these two should not be married?" the minister asked everyone who were attending the wedding of Barry Allen and Iris West, "Speak now or forever hold your peace."

"I am not really someone who holds my peace", a man in a red and black suit with a sword on his back said as he arrived, "So I must say, I have a lot of just causes."

"Who the hell are you?" Oliver Queen asked him as he started fingering his device which could turn into a bow.

"The name's Wade Wilson", the man said, "But you can call me Deadpool. And I must say, I hate what CW has done to you in this season, Oliver."

Oliver looked at him in confusion.

"I'm sorry, who invited you?" Barry asked him.

"I invited myself", Wade said, "Plus, with all my badassery, every place is open to me. But like I said, I have some just causes."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Iris West asked him angrily.

"Sir, are you sure you're all right?" Kara Danvers asked him.

"If these two get married, I won't be", Wade said bluntly before turning to look at everyone, "First of all, I am a big fan of their relationship in the comics. But the Arrowverse has made it really disgusting."

Turning to Joe West, he asked, "And how the hell can you even support it? It doesn't make any sense."

Before Joe could respond, Wade said to everyone, "After the impossible tragedy our poor Barry faced which shaped him into the man he will become, he was adopted by Joe West and Iris West was his foster sister. In Season 1, they have even referred to each other as brother and sister numerous times. Now let that sink in."

Everyone's jaws were now wide open as they realized the depths of Wade's words.

Turning to Barry and Joe, he then said, "And it destroys the characters of both of you. Barry, you're a great, helpful hero. But she makes you look like some stalker. You sabotaged your own relationships with Linda and Patty to be with her."

Barry sighed and finally admitted the one thing he had never admitted, even to himself, "Yeah. You're right. I did that."

"What?" a shocked Joe West asked him.

"Don't act all surprised, old man", Wade said, "You are supposed to be a perfect father figure. Yet you support incest between your own kids?"

Everyone in the church could be heard saying "Ewwwwwww."

Turning to Iris, he then said, "And you, Iris West, are the biggest bitch ever know to television."

"Hey! You can't talk to my daughter like that", Joe said angrily.

"Your daughter has made the lives of every fan of this show miserable", Wade said, "I mean, come on, "We are the Flash?" LOL."

Iris tried to say, "It was just an exp-"

"Oliver", Wade said as he turned to him, "How would you feel if Felicity said to you, "We are the Green Arrow?""

"Ugh", Oliver said in a disgusted tone, "Sounds really bad."

"Point proven", Wade said as he turned back to Iris, "And by the way, breaking up with him right after Wally was trapped and he was beaten by Savitar by showing off you ringless finger? Dick move, Iris."

As Iris looked down in shame, Wade said, "And you also tried to sabotage his relationship with Linda, didn't you?"

"What?" Joe asked Iris, "You did that?"

"I never thought you could be worse than Blondie over there", Wade said as he pointed at Felicity who looked offended, "But you have proven me horribly wrong. And your WestAllen is so bad that Olicity looks like an epic love story. And if a romance makes a romance made by Marc Guggenheim look good, then that romance really is a new level of crap."

"Oh God!" Barry muttered to himself.

"And you", Wade said as he pointed to the minister, "You're America's Greatest Hero. I didn't expect you to support this pairing. I am disappointed."

"I'm sorry", the minister said to Wade, "I have failed this country."

"You're right", Barry said to Wade, "This wedding shouldn't happen."

"Yeah" Joe said, "You have raised very good points."

Iris tried to say, "But-"

"No", the minister said, "Wade Wilson is right."

A chorus of "Aye" echoed in the church.

That moment, someone was heard saying, "Are you done, clown?"

Everyone turned to look at a flying woman and an archer wearing masks. With them were people wearing Nazi uniforms.

"Nazis?" Oliver muttered as he looked at them.

"I hate Nazis", Oliver, Barry and Kara said simultaneously.

"Hey, Nazis", Wade said to them, "You were all such a pathetic disappointment in this crossover. I mean, you don't even behave like Nazis."

"We will show you how we behave", Dark Arrow said as he notched an arrow.

"You can't do a thing", Wade said and everyone looked at him in confusion, "You see, I didn't come here alone. There is another person here. He is hated by all and feared for his voice and music. I kidnapped and brought him here at gunpoint."

Turning to Barry, Wally and Kara, he said, "Bring earplugs for everyone except the Nazis."

For some reason, they complied and soon everyone except the Earth-X villains were wearing earplugs.

Prometheus started fingering his sword when…

"Oh whoa!"

He stopped and everyone turned to see who had come.

"Oh whoa!"

The Nazis murmured in confusion as to what was happening. The entire Arrowverse hung their jaws and widened their eyes at what they saw next. It was Justin Bieber! He walked into plain sight.

"Oh whoa!"

Dark Arrow and Overgirl, taken aback, stepped backwards and gasped. They are all confused by the odd appearance of the young man upstaging them. A smile came over Wade's face as the dreaded music came at last.

"You know you love me, I know you care. Just shout whenever, and I'll be there!"

As the monotonous tune started to accompany the pubescent screeching, shock turned to disgust amongst the audience. Dark Arrow and Overgirl are furious at this show of disrespect and started roaring orders for Bieber to get off the church. The torment didn't stop.

"You are my love, you are my heart. And we would never ever ever be apart."

Prometheus fainted on hearing the music. A soldier beside him rushed to his aid, while the rest of the Nazis blocked their ears in horror, especially Overgirl who had super hearing.

"Are we an item? Girl, quit playing. We're just friends, what are you saying? Say there's another and look right in my eyes. My first love broke my heart for the first time. And I was like..."

Wade braced himself for impact, a smug grin coming over his face. Dark Arrow and Overgirl stopped yelling for a moment, sensing something was about to happen. Justin paused a moment to allow his developing vocal chords to hit the high notes. The Nazis were in a state of disbelief, and started wondering if this was some Earth-1 experimental attack.

"Baby, baby, baby oooh! Like baby, baby, baby nooo! Like baby, baby, baby oooh! I though you'd always be mine!"

At this point, chaos overtook the ranks. The soldiers started yelling. Dark Arrow and Overgirl were furious, screaming for the madness to end. The Nazis retreated into panic, some screaming and others firing wildly at the man. (Un)Fortunately, none of the bullets hit Justin, who continued the chorus.

"Baby, baby, baby oooh! Like baby, baby, baby nooo! Like baby, baby, baby oooh! I though you'd always be mine!"

Dark Arrow notched an arrow and aimed it right at Justin, demanding his surrender. Some more Nazi soldiers fainted. Prometheus, who had fainted before, woke up, his brain ravaged and startled by the cancerous music. Wade saw his cue and brandished a mic before running beside Justin. He hoped his rapping skills were good enough but then remembered it's a Bieber song.

"When I was 13, I had my first love, there was nobody that compared to my baby. And nobody came between us or could ever come above. She had me going crazy, oh, I was star-struck, she woke me up daily, don't need no Starbucks. She made my heart pound, it skipped a beat when I see her in the street and at school on the playground but I really wanna see her on the weekend. She knows she got me dazing cause she was so amazing. And now my heart is breaking but I just keep on saying..."

Dark Arrow dropped his bow and arrow in shock that there were two of them. The operation claimed its first victim, Sturmbannfuhrer Lance, who ran forward, grabbed the pistol and ended his suffering. A very audible gasp rippled through the room before…

"Baby, baby, baby oooh! Like baby, baby, baby nooo! Like baby, baby, baby oooh! I thought you'd always be mine!"

At the realization there was no escape, the armed soldiers present dropped their guns in surrender. Wade was almost about to accept the offer when Justin repeated the chorus.

"Baby, baby, baby oooh! Like baby, baby, baby nooo! Like baby, baby, baby oooh! I thought you'd always be mine!

By now the soldiers present for this musical massacre were all but traumatized. Dark Arrow and Overgirl broke down to the floor in tears and the former grabbed his bow, his hands shaking. Sweat dripped down his face. Another gunshot could be heard from the army. Then another. One by one, the soldiers ended their pain. Justin saw this and adjusted the music accordingly.

"Is it too late now to say sorry?"

Another bang and a soldier dropped to the floor.

"Ooooh, oooooh, sorry!"

Bang. Goodbye soldier.

"Ooooh, oooooh, sorry!"

Bang. Another man down.

"Ooooh, oooooh, sorry!"

The Reverse Flash phased through his own throat.

"Ooooh, oooooh, sorry!"

More bangs resounded through the church and soon every senior Nazi was dead on the floor. Dark Arrow's beloved friend Prometheus sliced his throat at the third verse. Finally, it was just Dark Arrow and Overgirl left. They were on the floor, begging for mercy. But Wade intended to end them brutally for killing poor Stein in the actual crossover. He smiled and whispered to Justin "give 'em your worst!

"I will NEVER SAY NEVER! I WILL FIGHT YOU FOREVER!"

Overgirl sobbed and begged Dark Arrow to let her end the pain ringing in her ears. He mercifully obliged and she snapped her own neck before he looked up at Wade, tears in his eyes, hoping to see a shred of mercy. But Justin showed none. His voice softened to a whisper.

"If I was your boyfriend, I'd never let you go. I can take you places you ain't never been before."

It was at this critical moment Dark Arrow realized the war against Earth-1 was lost. Feeling nothing but despair, he grabbed the arrow and surrendered peacefully. He stabbed himself through the heart and then slumped next to his beloved Overgirl and Promtheus.

Justin Bieber smiled as he realized what has happened and turned to Wade. "We did it!" he yelled excitedly, "The future of the Arrowverse is changed forever! Everything is all right!"

Wade fingered his own pistol. Chuckling, he took it out and turned to Justin.

"Not just yet," he said and shot him between his eyes. He fell on top of Dark Arrow.

"Is it too late now to say sorry?" he then sang loudly to the corpses and Arrowverse cast (whose ears were still covered fortunately) around him.

**Author's Note:**

> Now that's done. There is this question on Quora- "You are assigned to kill Hitler in the most silly way possible with a time machine that cannot change the past permanently. How would you do it?"
> 
> This answer was written by Quora user Amen Go. Just replace all the Earth-X guys with Hitler and his Nazi buddies and Eva and Blondi. I thank him for this hilarious answer which gave me inspiration for this alternate version of the one-shot. The hilarious stuff with Bieber is all owned by him.
> 
> And we can all agree Bieber is an asshat who sucks.
> 
> Please review. I always appreciate your feedback.
> 
> Until next time.
> 
> Aragorn II Elessar.


End file.
